


Missing nights

by nekoclair



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, One Shot, prior season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:17:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8135092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekoclair/pseuds/nekoclair
Summary: Tormented by the feeling he has denied for so long, acting thoughtlessly was the worst thing to do, but at certain times it's really hard to think straight.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've written this fic two years ago (more or less) and I just recently translated it and that's why it's set before the events of season 2.  
> Still, I hope that's not a problem. And I also hope you like it. '3'

 

I opened my eyes, slowly, and I stared at the blonde in front of me. I smiled at him and he at me; both smiles were broad and happy, in ecstasy. He approached my naked body with his own, holding my arms below my head. My skin, usually white, was marked everywhere because of his kisses. When he got close enough, he whispered in my ear. 

“Does it hurt?” The husky tone of his voice caused me a shiver. ”Do you want me to release you?”

I could fell my face getting hotter. Having Shizuo so close, close enough for me to see perfectly each of the pores of his face, was not something very usual; at this distance, I would normally be knocked out. Sweat dripped from his forehead to his chin and he looked at me with longing expressions.

Shizuo has always been an attractive man, but at that moment there was something increasing his good looks. I felt an urge to touch him and an absurd desire to be touched and violated by him.

That certainly wasn’t normal, but I didn’t care; not now, not in this situation.

“No, it's okay.” I said, at last, my face hot. “It doesn’t hurt.”

He laughed briefly as he brought his lips even closer to my ear, giving a light bite on the spot.

“You actually like to be tied up. Don’t you, Izaya?”

“I didn’t say that... But I won’t deny it either. It's not that bad. You should give it a try one day.”

He pulled back in order to face me properly. Shizuo smiled, still immersed in desire, and then he joined our lips for a few moments.

“If it’s you the one tying me up…”

My face heated up more than ever and, without a doubt, I would’ve pulled away from him it had not been for the ropes that held me tied to the bed. My body was shaking with nervousness and I didn’t understand the reason to all that. My heart pulsed inside my chest in increasingly accelerated beats.

“Hey, I’m going to begin moving.”

“Should be already.”

“Heh. Then don’t complain later, flea.”

He held my legs and lifted them, making more room for him to move. I closed my eyes and tensed up the muscles of my face, already anticipating the sensations that would follow and that ranged from pleasure to pain. Shizuo gave a short, dry laugh, and soon afterwards I could fell myself being invaded by him.

I closed my eyes and arched my back, putting myself seated. The dark and quite room confused me at first, but then I felt anger; anger toward myself for having that kind of dream with a monster like Shizu-chan.

I sighed, still sitting on the mattress – which now seemed too big – and with one of my hands I messed with the black strands of my hair. It didn’t take much until I felt a considerable discomfort between my legs.

I stood up and then I headed to the bathroom, in order to get rid of the uncomfortable erection. It didn’t that long for me to relieve myself, especially with the dream still so fresh in my memory. That night, I called Shizuo’s name more times than I'd like and, when I returned to my bed, I wasn’t able to sleep. The blond refused to leave my thoughts.

After two and a half hours rolling aimlessly in the bed, already completely awake, I made my way to the living room. I sat on the black leather couch and lay my legs on the coffee table. I threw my head back and I began to face the ceiling that, in the midst of the darkness, not even seemed to exist. I moved my legs, bumping into something and throwing it on the floor.

With a displeased huff, I crouched and started looking for whatever it was, finding it just before giving up. It was a book of more or less three hundred pages, maybe a little more. “Probably Namie’s”, I thought.

I spent the night reading.

The story was silly, with a plot not well developed and it had all possible clichés. The book talked about the daily life of a young woman who fell in love with an artist, who started to notice the fan more and more as the chapters passed.  _ See?... That’s bullshit! _ All I see are the empty dreams of some woman embittered by an unrequited love! Namie used to have better taste in literature... Maybe she relapsed, feeling the need to believe in empty hopes and that she’s not alone in facing the hardship of having an impossible love.

“That’s what you get for falling in love with your own brother…” I muttered as I threw the book on the coffee table before even finishing it.

I lacked interest and patience to continue reading such a stupid book, even if I was just a few chapters away from the end. Also, the sun was already shining and I had much more important matters to keep me busy; matters involving a quick visit to a customer in Ikebukuro.

With a broad smile plastered on my face, I got up from the couch where I had spent the whole night. My body complained, troubled, but my heart was pounding, agitated by the excitement that I always felt whenever I went to visit that city, leaving no room for any other feeling to stand out; and since it had been a good while since I had last went there, my excitement was at its peak.

I already advanced toward the door when I crossed ways with my secretary, who arrived at the usual time. Namie looked at me surprised, and then she asked:

“Going out already? It’s not even 8:00.”

“I have business to attend to,” I replied, not bothering to get the satisfied smile of my face.

She kept herself quiet while staring at me with sharp eyes.

“Ikebukuro?...” She asked with a raised eyebrow. Her guess, however, sounded more like a statement than a question.

I nothing replied. I dodged the woman who was still planted in front of my apartment’s door and then I followed the corridor toward the elevator. My smile was getting wider and wider every step.

As I walked away, I asked Namie to take care of everything until I was back. What I got in response was a disbelieving sigh, and then she slammed the door closed.

 

**...**

 

The city of Ikebukuro continued in its usual bustle. The crowd, the noise, the fights and... Oh! I could never forget its… interesting inhabitants!

I smiled a little wider as I hurried toward the two students who had just emerged from the sushi shop. I waited until Simon finished saying his goodbyes and went back into the property, to then approach them – I was in a bit of a hurry, and having food pushed up me and being forced into chitchat was what I least needed right now. However, for those two I would always have the time.

“Look at who we have here! A pleasant surprise indeed!”

“Izaya…” Masaomi Kida had his eyes locked on me, he looked unhappy. At his side, the young brunette just watched me warily.

Their reactions made me even more pleased.

“I wouldn't be walking so carelessly if I were you. I saw Shizuo earlier and he didn't seem to be in a good mood,” said Kida, his expressions serious.

With nothing else to say, Kida grabbed the other boy’s arm and walked away, pulling him for a moment. Mikado didn't take long to understand the message and followed the other.

“Going already? Without even saying goodbye? That’s rude, Kida! That’s not nice of you.  _ Truly not _ ... Are you sure it's okay to treat me like this?” I shook my head. My tone was suggestive, but, of course, it was just a bluff.

The boys stopped and turned around. Mikado had anxious expressions, but nothing intimidating. The blond, on the other hand, stabbed me with his eyes.

“Sorry, but we are in a bit of a hurry. We're meeting with Anri and it's not cool to leave a lady waiting. Also, I don't want to be around when Shizuo find you.”

“You are too worried about Shizu-chan~”

“You wouldn't say that if you had seen his face.”

“Heh~ As if he could do something to me. His anger only increases his idiocy. Furthermore, I’m sure he’s just frustrated, after all it’s been sometime since I last  _ played _ with him.” I smiled, leaving him shaken and somewhat flushed by the insinuation. Mikado, however, looked at us confused.

“Weren’t you guys fighting last week?” Asked the brunette, confused. His eyebrows were furrowed.

Kida twisted his lips, not knowing what to say to his friend. I was also a little surprised by the boy’s innocence, but I only laughed at the situation.

“It seems like you lack some information, and some really simple ones as well. If you want, I could teach you all about it…”

“Izaya, we have to go. Anri has already waited too long.” Mikado nodded his head, confirming the other’s words. “And if you want to play with someone, go do that with Heiwajima Shizuo or whoever else you have been playing around with. Just leave us alone.”

With an ear to ear smile, I waved at the boys who walked away. After seeing them disappear amid a boring crowd, I turned around and decided it was time to resolve the issues I had no choice but to deal with.

Luckily, I would finish it in time for me to go verify Kida’s information, and maybe I could even have some fun before going home. Obviously, I’m not talking about having sex with Shizu-chan. After all, who would want to do that kind of thing with a gross monstrosity like him?!

I walked down the street, humming. I felt anxious like never before.

I really loved this city.

 

**...**

 

My job that day had been easy and ended relatively fast. All I had to do was display some of my most basic information about the recent activities of the mafia and arms smuggling that I had received internal government secrets quickly in return.

Politicians are always excellent prey because they’re easily manipulated – although many have the mistaken idea that they are the ones in control of everything; when, in fact, they are predictable and boring. That is, they are merely disposable pawns in this game of mine.

When I put my feet out of the first-class hotel where the meeting took place, which was located in the heart of Ikebukuro, the sun was beginning to take more warm colors and colored its surroundings with reddish tones. Approximately forty minutes separated day and night – which was not long, but enough.

I walked down the streets that were now filled with more people when compared to earlier. The nightlife was like a magnet, attracting the youngsters to a kind of excitement that they were excluded until then. The person I was looking for with eager eyes surely was in the midst of this growing mess, however his reasons to being there were different. It was almost 6:30 pm, and I knew that the blond had the old habit of going out to eat with his boss on Friday, at the end of the day. And, of course, being a good informed informant, I knew very well where to find him.

A satisfied smile appeared on my lips as I walked the streets that were gradually taken over by the shadows of the night that slowly approached.

It didn’t take even ten minutes for the familiar facade to appear in my field of vision. The sushi restaurant was the same as it was that afternoon, except that at this time there were more people and Simon stood outside, doing everything he could to try to increase the already large clientele.

With my hands shoved into the coat’s pockets, I began to walk toward the establishment, immediately receiving the Russian's attention. Our eyes met a few moments later when he gave me an intimidating and suspicious look.

He moved to the front of the establishment’s door, blocking my entrance. I looked up, staring at him innocently.

“Hello, Simon! I’ve come to eat! What’s the main dish today?” I asked, excited.

“Sorry, Izaya, we are crowded,” was his brief response.

“I thought that word didn’t exist in the chief's dictionary... Sure there’s not even a tiny spot for me to sit?”

“Yes. I think you should go eat somewhere else today.”

“That’s not nice, Simon.” I shook my head from side to side, reproving the other's behavior. “You think I don't know you're sending me away because Shizu-chan is in there?”

“I know you know.”

“Well, Simon, it's not like I’m here for anything more than a good meal. You really won’t let me in?”

**“I won’t allow you to destroy Shizuo’s peace. Not when he finally appears to have calmed down after spending all afternoon stressed.”** He spoke in russian.

“I haven’t come here for that! I came to eat!”

**“Then go home and I'll take you a neat portion later. I'm sure you would rather eat in the comfort of your home than in this crowded restaurant.”** He smiled.

Seeing that I’d reached the limit of my insistence, I turned around and huffed. Before leaving, however, I took a last look at the russian who was still there, on the same spot.

“Try not to forget my delivery, okay?”

That said, I left, walking down the crowded streets and disappearing quickly amid the growing crowd. When I got to my apartment it was already past 8:00 pm.

My steps were quick and displeased. I couldn’t believe Simon hadn’t let me in. Not that I wanted all that much to annoy Shizu-chan, but having my plans frustrated didn’t please me one bit.

“Izaya,” The secretary came to greet me at the door, her hands busy with a pile of documents, “it was time. Sign this papers so I can send them away and go home.”

“Good evening for you too,” I joked as I followed her to the table. I picked up the pen that I was offered and signed my name where it was needed.

I had barely removed the tip of the pen from the paper and I had it taken away from my grasp. Namie hastened to shove the sulfites in the fax and send them to their respective destinations. I threw my body on the chair as i watched her force impatiently the sheets into the machine, fidgeting and mumbling whenever one seized up.

Not even five minutes later she was already ready to end the day. Namie walked to the door and grabbed her purse and the coat that was near the entrance. Before she left, however, I stopped her.

“Don’t you go forgetting your book here again,” I warned, pointing toward the object.

“Oh, right. Thanks.” She thanked me and walked to the small coffee table, expressionless. However, the second her eyes found the book a slight smile came across her face. “I was looking for it yesterday at my place but I didn’t find it despite having looked all over the house. I was relieved to see it on the table when I arrived this morning…”

“Ehh… Do you seriously like this book?”

“Hm, yes.” Her voice showed her confusion toward my question.

“Namie, I don’t get you. This book it horrible… Or rather, stupid!”

She fixated her eyes on mine and, like that, she stared at me, her expressions serious. Her eyebrows twitched, offended by my commentary. Still, no syllable left her thin and discontented lips.

“As if a love like that could be normal and realistic,” I muttered, turning back toward my table.

“What?...” Now, she seemed quite confused. “Did you read it to the end?”

“Of course not. I don’t even know how you managed to.”

“You should read a book until the end before judging it…”

“I'm not interested in happy endings without any sense of reality,” was my rough and indifferent response. “Simple like that,” 

“ _ Happy ending? _ ” The secretary’s voice rose a tone, she now appeared to be somewhat angry. “The protagonist is arrested for being considered a stalker and then commits suicide in the prison! How is this happy?! It’s a super realistic story about how some people become obsessed and how it can be sick! Like you who can’t just stay away from Shizuo!”

“What?” Shocked by her words, I spun the chair so that I could face her again. The muscles of my face twitched up uncomfortably, and they couldn't seem to find a position to change this condition. “You think I'm obsessed over him?”

“You go to Ikebukuro just to annoy him! If this is not obsession, then it can only be love!”

I felt my body shudder completely by the mere mention of that word of only four letters. However, I knew I had to keep myself calm, otherwise I would give a totally wrong and humiliating idea. After all, there is no way I – a person so far above – could fall in love with a insect like Shizu-chan.

“Not wanting to be rude, my dear Namie, but we know very well that the only feeling shared between that monster and me is hate. And I don’t know how you could make such a mistake,” the smile on my face widened, “because of obsession you certainly understand well.”

Even angrier than before, she snorted and walked out of the door, causing a loud bang during the process. Actually, I don’t even know if she heard me when I said to send my greetings to Seiji Yagiri, because she was too busy with her haste and irritation. Still, seeing her by the back was, above all, a relief.

When I found myself finally alone, I allowed the forced smile that was on my lips to disappear. I rested my elbows on the table and my head in my hands, and then I sighed to calm down the anxiety that suddenly took over me.

My face was once again causing me discomfort. I felt it misplaced, like if the muscles were in strange positions, and I was still unable to make it feel better. I was restless and somehow disturbed. Glancing at the wall clock, I found out that it wasn’t yet 9:00 pm. After scratching my head, still in disgust with the sensations caused by such a silly provocation, I decided that concentrating on my work was the best way to get back to my usual self.

I grabbed a pile of papers and started working on it, reading them up and down carefully, making one or another note on a detached sheet. At first, the words occasionally clashed with thoughts about Shizu-chan and I ended up having to reread the line, or even the paragraph, all over again. After insulting myself a bit and blaming Namie a little more, half an hour had passed and only then I started to finally concentrate better.

It was almost eleven o'clock when the intercom rang, interrupting my job that was now flowing better. I rose from the chair and picked up the phone, surprised to hear the other end talking in russian. Only then I remembered Simon's promise about bringing me food at the end of his shift.

With a "I’m going", I picked up my coat and hurried down the hall, after locking the door – which I could have left open, were not the important documents and valuable information that I had in my apartment. They weren't things that I could just leave unprotected, even if it was just for a few moments.

I pressed the button and then I waited for the arrival of the elevator, which I boarded to go down to the ground floor where the russian man was waiting for me. I shoved my hands in the thick coat pockets, feeling my wallet and my knife inside, in their proper places. When I stepped outside outside, I was immediately greeted by a cold and dark night. The moon shone in the sky, illuminating what the thousands of stars couldn’t despite they being outnumbered. Of course, most of the light came from the street posts, but that sound much less poetic.

I directed myself to the huge man that was waiting for me with two bags in hand. With a brief greeting, I grabbed the order and handed the money.

“Good night.”

I was already turning away, decided to go back to my apartment as soon as possible, when I felt my wrist being tightly grabbed.

**“Izaya, you don’t have a good look on your face. Is something troubling you?”** The words spoken in russian came out calm of his lips, as well as sudden, catching me off guard.

“Eh? What are you talking about?” I asked, some indifference present in my voice. “Everything it great. Why wouldn’t it be?”

**“Izaya… You may think that your shoddy acting skills deceives everyone, but it’s not true. Even though you wear a mask, those who know you will see through it.”**

**“Don’t come at me talking bullshit at this time of the night.”**

**“It has something to do with Shizuo, right?”** He cut me off before I could start with my complaints. **“When you get this look on you face it’s always because of him. Is it because I didn’t let you see him in the afternoon?”**

**“This habit that people have of thinking that everything that happens in my life is the fault of that clueless troglodyte annoys me deeply, you know?”** I grumbled, finally turning toward the other.

**“But is it not?”** He had one of his eyebrows raised and looked at me with a skeptical look.

**“What? No! No, no and no! And you know what? I have better things to do. Good night.”**

That said, I once again gave my back to the russian, who had his eyes fixed on my person. I felt observed until the moment I entered the building, whose lights welcomed me warmly.

With bags in hand, I hurried to the elevator that was waiting for me in the same place. Only when I pressed my floor’s button and leaned back in the icy walls made of steel is that I realized how agitated I found myself in. A sigh escaped by my lips, which, besides tired, were afflicted by a mysterious feeling.

When I found myself within the familiar apartment, I dropped the bags on the table and I quickly headed to the bathroom. I filled the tub that was usually ignored – I didn’t have all that much time to waste on something as simple as a bath – and, after undressing, I dove into the water that was cooler than warmer.

It took little more than an hour before I left the bathroom, and not yet fully recovered. I picked up the bags from the table and stored the sushi in order to save them for the next day as I had totally lost my appetite.

Feeling my body heavy and exhausted after working all day, and also because of the abstinence from sleep, I went straight to my room. But, despite my resolve to get a good night of sleep, I found myself incapable of it. My body twitched up underneath the thin covering, fidgeting impatiently as the blonde dominated each one of my thoughts.

That night promised to be long…

When I got up on the following day, I was as awake as I had been at the time I’d lain down. Tired, of course, but not sleepy. I found myself simply unable to sleep a wink, and it was like that until morning.

I dragged myself out of the covers and headed toward the bathroom. Maybe a cold shower would cheer me up a bit; but, in the end, all the water cascade made was make me feel cold, making me leave the shower after a few minutes to go in search of a towel and my clothes.

Once dressed, I went to the living room and then to the kitchen. My stomach wasn’t complaining of hunger, but I felt the need to occupy myself with something. With a mug of hot coffee in hand, I searched for the wall clock, noticing that it was a little past eight o’clock. I took another sip of the drink, changing my focus then to my desk, where the pile of today's work lay already done. Do you know what that meant? That I'd have the day off.

With a mysterious feeling in my chest, I dropped the mug in the sink and grabbed my coat. Where I was heading should be no mystery.

For some reason, the city of Ikebukuro always seemed to be radiant, and that day was no different. The wide streets and sidewalks lay crowded, both of people and cars. The movement and noise gave life to the place, and rather improved my unfortunate situation of someone who hadn’t slept in the last two days.

I passed through the large square downtown when two figures caught my attention. However, they were not yesterday's students, but people much more interesting. In particular, the sight of the blonde's back while he was talking to the biker caused me chills.

It has been what, a month since I last saw Shizuo? Yeah, something around that…

I kept staring at them from afar for quite a while. A heat took my chest and a slight smile formed on my lips. Without much thought, I ran toward the two and before Celty could write anything to alert the other, I threw myself on the back of the strongest man in Ikebukuro.

“Shizu-chan~”

Although surprised by my foray, he lost balance only for a brief instant.

“Izaya?! What the hell?!”

“Nice to see you too! Did you miss me? I missed you. It was a long month …”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Let me go.”

Before he could hold my arms, which until then involved his neck, I jumped again to the ground and drew back two steps, just in case. A wide smile stretched on my face, my heart pounding.

Shizuo took off his sunglasses and put them in his shirt pocket, his eyes at every moment watching me seriously. The silence was interrupted only when the blonde turned towards Celty, who until then just looked at us a little afraid – afraid of the damage that usually was left after our meetings – and then, uttering an apology, he said he would have to say goodbye to her earlier than scheduled.

Seeing him snapping his fingers and grabbing a nearby trafic sign, I realized that I could no longer just stand there and then I ran. The blonde came after me, which was expected, and it didn’t take long until we were away from the square.

However, after almost an hour of that unceasing pursuit, I found myself out of breath. Normally, I could stand hours and hours running nonstop, but, by the look of things, two days awake put an end to my stamina... At this point, I had to admit that my decision to annoy him while I was so tired out hadn’t been one of my smartest ideas. But it's not like I could have done something about it, because when I came to I had already jumped on his back. It was kind of an unconscious act, you know...

Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw Shizuo getting closer and closer, the sign in his hands being shaken from one side to another dangerously, getting crushed by the blows against the walls in which it clashed occasionally.

Speeding up, I gave my all trying to stay out of his reach. My feet crashed against the ground, and my lungs demanded both air and a short break. My whole body ached. I prepared to turn a corner when I heard a scream in my back. Thoughtlessly, I looked back, slowing my pace a little.

The last thing I remember is a sign flying towards me, and the cold of the ground slowly becoming more and more hot.

 

**...**

 

A soft surface, a soothing silence and a distant brightness... It took a while until I convinced my exhausted eyes to open again to reality. The unfamiliar ceiling was the first thing I came across, beside a pertinent headache. Taking my fingers to the source of the pain, I felt a cloth wrapped around my head and some gauze. What initially caused me confusion, then began to afflict me when I remembered the blow I had received, and his executioner. I had already started to get up, in a hurry, when someone else entered the room.

“If you don’t want to go to the hospital with even more serious injuries then you better keep lay down,” warned the blonde, who now wore casual clothes. His gaze was blank, indecipherable.

Immediately, I backed away as much as I could, until I hit my back against the headboard. I searched for my knife in my coat pocket, only then realizing that the blouse I wore was not mine. I grabbed the black cloth and stared at it for some time before looking back at the blonde.

“It must be kinda large, but it's not my fault. You are just too skinny and small.”

“What did you do to my clothes?!” I certainly sounded desperate, but anyone would feel that way if they noticed that they wore no pants while in the bed of their worst enemy. “Why am I not wearing pants? And don’t tell me this underwear is yours, Shizu-chan…”

“Don’t talk crap,” he frowned. “I wouldn’t give you a used one. That would be weird... And if you're without pants it’s because, as I said before, you are a skinny midget and all my pants were too big for you. Also, your clothes should be already nearly dried…”

“Wait. You washed my clothes?”

“I was bored, I had dark clothes to wash today and yours were stained with blood.”

“What kind of crazy dream this is?...” I mumbled, pulling the sheet so that it coved my bare legs.

He said nothing in response, just sighed tiredly and shook his head from side to side.

My eyes, which until then watched him, went down to my hands, which became its new focus of attention. My fingers moved on my lap in an impatient manner. My heart was pounding in my chest, the recent events seeming more ridiculous than stranger to me; they were almost surreal. I felt my face getting hotter and my thoughts agitated, the whole situation causing me a strange nervousness.

At the sound of footsteps, I looked up, encountering the blonde right before me. He put his hand on my face and threw me backward, forcing me to lie down on the bed again, then pulling the sheets up to my ears.

“Keep lying down. Because you didn’t do what I told you, your face is now red from a fever.” He complained. “Get well soon so that you can go away. Until when do you think I will keep taking care of you?... Do you want water?”

“Ah?”

“I asked if you want some water, flea,” he repeated himself, impatiently.

“Ah, well…”

“Do you want it or not? Just say it already.”

“C-Can be,” I answered, a little bit nervous.

The blonde pulled a glass from a dresser beside the bed and a bottle from ground, and then he handed me the drink, watching me drink to the last drop.

After that, what followed was an uncomfortable silence. That situation seemed to me more and more unreal and I was starting to question if it wasn’t really all a dream, or if the blow hadn’t been too much for my poor skull and now I lived in some crazy and eternal hallucination... However, unfortunately, it wasn’t any of these options. Everything was real.

“Hey, Shizu-chan… Tell me something… Why did you help me?”

“What a stupid question,” he simply said. “If I had left you like that on the street with a severe head injury and something happened to you... Well, that could bring problems to me and to my job, and there was also the chance of it influencing Tom’s business.”

“Ah. Yeah, I guess you're right. You also wouldn’t want to bring more problems to your little brother…” I muttered as I covered myself more with the sheets, troubled by an unexplained chest pain; after all, the blow was to the head.

A few more moments of silence.

“And you?... What is the problem?”

“Besides having a crater in my skull, nothing”.

“I'm talking about your behavior, flea. You’re acting strange.”

I gave a short, dry laugh, those words hurting in my ears, which were already tired of hearing that. Why did they insist so much that there was something wrong with me?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Izaya…” He took a brief pause and then continued. “You are not only acting strange, but you were also slower and less nimble than normal. You were not being the flea you usually are.”

“Look,” I locked my eyes on his blue, feeling mine tremble for a moment, “I’m just tired ‘cause I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“It should be the decent part, or what's left of it, of your subconscious making you rethink your bad and disgusting attitudes,” he said in one breath.

“Huh? Listen here, Shizu-chan. My work has nothing to do with it. I'm proud of what I do, you know. And if I have not been able to sleep well that is all your fault, okay?”

“Mine? Now you are blaming me?”

“I’m not  _ blaming _ you. You  _ are _ the culprit.”

“Why would I? I haven’t seen you in, what, a month?”

“It's all your fault and that’s it. Accept the fact and live with it.” I replied, with indifference. Tired of all that nonsense, I hide myself even more under the sheets in order to drown out the other’s voice.

However, not one second went by and I found myself completely uncovered and a very unhappy Shizuo looking me down, one of his arms going down the mattress on the bed, beside me.

“Stop talking shit! Why do I have to accept the blame for something you I didn’t do? Why do you want everything to be my fault? Can you stop blaming me for everything?”

I stared at him for a moment, meanwhile he was quite agitated. I didn’t know exactly what I felt and, again, a strange feeling coursed through my insides. Seeing him so shaken by something as stupid just showed how uncontrolled Shizuo was. However, for some reason, I didn’t dislike that part of him, which made him so unpredictable. It was that that made him not boring, unlike everyone else…

Already a few seconds ignoring his incessant complaints, trapped in my own thoughts, I found myself gradually understanding the feeling I so much fought to deny. This denial now seemed so silly and unnecessary, especially when the was so close...

I thus found myself again being driven by impulses.

I smiled and raised my arms, caressing the face that looked at me from above. He stopped immediately and looked at me confused. I threw my arms about his neck, pulling my back away from the bed and almost causing him to fall on top of me, had not been for his strong arms, holding him aloft, his hands sinking into the mattress next to my body.

Before the confused man could question anything, I joined our lips in a kiss which I didn’t alow to end until I saw myself breathless. Even after separating our faces, I didn’t let go; on the contrary, I only held him tighter. The heart in my chest was pounding. Shizuo looked at me confused, still and silent.

“Shizu-chan, I'm not crazy, I swear,” I said, smiling slightly while avoiding his eyes briefly.

“Huh?... Izaya…”

“But it’s still your fault.” I laughed a little.

A nerve contracted on his forehead, a sign that he was getting angry again. But before he could start complaining, I spoke.

“Because the reason I couldn’t sleep well is that I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

And if there’s anything more wonderful than getting rid of an enormous weight that I didn’t even comprehend until then, was the troubled and shocked expression in the face of an uncontrollable monster like Shizu-chan. His questioning look brought a smile to my face.

He sat on my legs, perhaps maybe because he lost all his strength. Shizuo looked at me with lost expressions and a questioning look.

“What?” He asked, finally.

In another impulsive act, I embraced the larger body and hid my face in his neck.

“It’s exactly what you heard…”

“Izaya, this is not funny.” He held me by the shoulders and pushed me away, staring into my eyes. His expressions were serious now.

“The thing is, I'm not kidding, Shizu-chan,” I said, seriously.

“D-Do you know what you're saying?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but before any word could come out I felt a shiver go over my body, which was now taken by a strange nervousness that I didn’t understand why it was there. I had already accepted my feelings for that destructive monster, so why was it so difficult to put into words?

“Izaya, you…” His deep voice brought me back and caused me a slight blush when I noticed our proximity. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

Swallowing dry, I grabbed his shirt, feeling my face heat up even more and making the redness even more visible. We remained silent briefly and then…

“I-I love you, dammit.”

We stared at each other, my expressions anxious and Shizuo’s serious. However, that exchange of glances eventually become unbearable, causing me to look away, in the direction of my hands. With a sigh, I turned my face away and I concluded it was best to leave for now, to give him time to reflect on my words; because that was what I wanted, I wanted him to take me seriously.

In spite of that, I was unable to leave my place because Shizuo was still sitting on top of me. When I was about to ask him to get up, however, he pursed his lips and put his hand on one of my shoulders, locking again his eyes on mine. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but I wasn’t even sure if that was it. His intentions only became clear to me when he pulled me closer, with unnecessary force, making our mouths collide.

We distanced ourselves, both of us leading a hand over our mouths, that had been violated by the blonde’s uncontrolled strength.

“Shizuo, that was horrible! You almost broke my tooth!”

“Sorry. Let me try again…”

And with that he slowly closed the distance between his face and mine, and after staring at me for a little over three seconds – seconds those that almost led me to a heart attack – he joined our lips in a gentle kiss.

His lips wrapped mine with a skill I never imagined he would have, and it just made me wish for more. I wrapped him in my arms, bringing the blonde even closer, getting a similar reaction from him. When I came to, I already had my back against the bed and his tongue stuck in my mouth, searching for mine.

He guided his hand under my shirt and lifted the cloth, leaving my torso nude. Leaving my lips alone for a moment, he moved up to my nipples, sucking one of them as he rolled the other between the fingers of one of his hands. His warm, wet tongue involved and rubbed the place that was becoming increasingly sensitive, causing little moans to slip from me. When I saw that my voice was getting louder, I shushed myself with the help of my hands.

His tongue, that was now exploring my torso, then decided to get a taste of my neck, where he began to suck until it was bright red. Meanwhile, I quivered beneath him, shivering because of every move he made.

“I want to hear your voice, Izaya,” he muttered in my ear, which became his new focus of attention.

I grabbed the bed sheet and hid my face as he licked the lobe of my ear, almost no longer supporting to contain my voice, that pleaded to be heard. His leg moved a few centimeters, purposely pressing the bulge between my legs and getting a loud groan from me.

“Much better.” There was satisfaction in his voice.

He sealed my lips one more time and backed away, sitting on top of me and taking off his shirt. He then got rid of his shorts, staying only in underwear. I also took off the big black shirt that I was wearing so that we were equally dressed – or should I say, undressed.

In an eager kiss, he resumed his advance on me, the contact of our skins now added to the set of stimulants. Especially, the friction between our erections caused me occasional groans.

Suddenly, Shizuo made me turn around, my face suddenly pressed against the mattress. But before I could ask why the embarrassing position, he lifted my hips and began to rub himself against me. My legs went soft to the touch even if we were still dressed in underwear; was it not for his support I would have collapsed on the bed. I buried my face in the sheets, muffling any shameful sound that threatened to escape by my lips.

One of his hands then began to fondle my abdomen, slowly descending to reach the sensitive area that so much asked for relief. After stroking it a little over the clothing, he broke into my underwear and held the member while pulling it out. The blonde began to masturbate me, making it almost impossible for me to keep me quiet. Before long, he turned me around again and soon I saw myself without any clothing, while he finished getting rid of his.

He again shortened the distance between our bodies, joining our penis and masturbating both simultaneously. I joined him, rubbing the members who were increasingly rigid. As if the hands were not enough, the actual contact between them was already agonizingly exciting.

“I-izaya…”

“Sh-Shizu-chan…”

We found ourselves unable to contain our hoarse voices, that called each other’s name. Shortly after, we relieved ourselves for the first time, dirtying our torsos with hot semen.

Shizuo grabbed my legs and yanked them open, making me feel completely exposed. He then put a finger inside my entrance, making me jump a little and grab onto him.

“You do know that I won’t hurt you, don’t you?” He asked, looking at me with serious expressions.

Hearing his voice so close and him being so nice was really strange; strangely pleasant. My heart skipped a beat, his soothing voice ringing in my head. Unable to answer, I just hugged him stronger, letting him do what he wanted.

Getting the message but still not wanting to cause me any discomfort, he waited for a little while. However, it was not long until he inserted a second digit and caused me another shiver. The feeling of his fingers opening, closing and rubbing inside me made me shudder and release little moans. Our members were soon hard again, and already dripping wet.

“Shizu-chan…” I pleaded, and when he got the message he joined our lips in a wet kiss.

That was when he entered the third digit. A loud groan escaped my lips, which was unable to fight against the sensation of three fingers broadening my entrance. The next instant Shizuo laid me on the bed and opened my legs, positioning himself in front of me. I just stared at him, waiting anxiously. But when he removed his fingers from inside me and replaced them with his penis I felt almost tear in two.

“Calm down! Wait! Slow down!” I begged.

“I know,” was his simple and calm response. “Now, if you could relax, that would make thing quite easier.”

I threw my head backward and grabbed the sheets that spread across the mattress. I closed my eyes, my breathing was deep and heavy, my heart was pounding quickly. The silence that followed was cut shortly by the blonde’s voice.

“Is it that bad? Should we stop?”

“N-No.”

“Are you sure? You look kinda…”

“Just do it already, Shizu-chan. I’m okay.” I assured.

After a few more seconds of silence, a sigh resounded against the walls of the room. He shifted again, moving the tip of his cock during the process, getting a low and painful groan from me.

He reached me and kissed my cheek and then my lips, soothing me at least a little bit of the nervousness that the situation caused. He then began to go deeper, invading me with a suffocating dullness. His cock was increasingly inward until it stopped. We stayed like that for almost a full minute until he began to move again, but this time to the outside. However, when he reached halfway, he turned back toward the bottom, and kept that back and forth movement for a while.

“Shizu-chan, faster. T-Too slow…”

“I really can?”

“Haven’t I already said yes?”

“Okay, then. If you say so.”

He pulled back and held me tight, tucking it inside me with speed and strength.

“Wait! Time out! No violence!” I asked, feeling tears already forming in my eyes. “Like that you will hurt me!”

“Oh. Right...”

He then repeated the act, but this time in a more bearable way. He invaded me, then got out and invaded me again. The friction, the accelerated breathing, the supplications and the pulsating organs that were almost at their limits... It didn't take long for us to found relieve a second time that night.

He then got out of me; what would be unfortunate it was not my exhaustion. My body ached from top to bottom, and in places I didn’t even know it was possible.

“... Do you want to take a bath?”

“I think I'll stay right here. At least for a little longer.”

My body was too tired and sore and refused to move even one centimeter, even though it was covered in semen and sweat. My eyes, which hardly could stand open, stared at the blonde, who was naked and staring back at me, standing at the foot of the bed. He sighed.

“Okay, okay. I got it,” he nodded his head, understanding the situation. “I'll take care of everything. A wet cloth is good enough for you?

“You won't break my bones in the process?”

“After that I might break them after all…” He said in a serious tone.

“Scary…” I laughed a little and then smiled at him. “Then I leave everything to you. And buy some lubricant for next time.”

“Leave it to me,” he said while lifting one of my legs, cleaning it with a wet cloth.

“And try not to be so rough. You could have hurt me with this inhumane strength of yours.”

“Okay.”

He absently accepted my every demand, while cleaning the entire length of my body that was now full of marks. I just stared at him, a mask on my face showed a disinterest that I didn’t feel.

“And…”

“Okay, right. Whatever you wish for, flea.”

He threw a pillow in my face and made me lie down, covering me with a blanket.

“Now shut up and sleep.”

As always, I couldn’t predict his actions or understand what was going through his head. I didn’t even know why he had sex with me. Still, I long ago had given up in understanding him; with Shizu-chan, the way was to accept whatever it was and not waste time with futile questions. I smiled a little, my mask sagging slowly because of the redness that I was unable to control. I lifted the blanket, offering a bit of my personal space.

Shizuo just looked at me, silent, and then approached me, lying by my side The next thing I knew was that I had been pulled; his chest was hard but comfortable. He gently kissed the top of my head while I tried to get even closer to his chest, a smile on my lips. His heart was pounding and it gave me a welcoming feeling, making my own pound in an increasingly calm and relaxed pace. I closed my eyes, feeling my body as light as one of the pillow in which my head lay. 

Who would have thought that the moment I was finally able to sleep, after several poorly slept nights, would be in the my bed of my most hated monster…

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for whoever read this. :)  
> If anyone feel confortable leaving a comment, please do. I would be really happy if you did, seriously. And since english is not my first language feel free to call me out on any grammar mistake you spot, 'cause I will never know about them and learn how to correct them if you don't.  
> Bye bye. Hope you guys have liked it at least a bit.


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